Thursday, December 15, 2011

December 14, 2011.

Yes, we're still hiding. 25 knots was the norm for today so I did some boat chores. Just not boat chores on our boat.

A friend was having trouble with his watermaker. It was sucking air from somewhere and it was screwing up the whole magical process of turning seawater into drinking water. I tightened every hose clamp within a three mile radius and it only made things a little better. Then I realized that one hose just before the boost pump was deforming. The little boost pump was actually pulling a vacuum and collapsing the hose. That meant there had to be a blockage between the boost pump and the water inlet.

The seacock for the raw water was on the other side of a bulkhead and I hadn't seen it. It turned out that the seacock was an inch and a half that was necked down to 1 inch, necked again to ¾ of an inch before being reduced one more time to a ½ inch and THEN it went through a sea strainer. So anything small enough to fit into the original 1 ½ inch opening could theoretically slip down the hose until it found a diameter that was too small for it to fit through. But what are the chances of that happening.....evidently a lot better than you might think. Sure enough I found a damn Lincoln Log™ firmly wedged into one of the reducers. Once it was removed and the watermaker actually was presented with some sea water the magical process was once again happening like it should.

After that it was on to another boat. I met this guy the night before, he was looking for help because his 50 foot trawler wouldn't start. Hes out on the hook with twin Detroit diesels and a 20KW generator and none of em' will start. He only recently bought the boat and didn't seem too familiar with the boats systems. Even knowing that, I was still pretty surprised when I headed down into his engine room.

There were the starting batteries sitting in a great battery box with complete access. Nothing unusual about that but what immediately caught my eye was the fact that sitting there on a shelf was an automobile type battery charger. It was hooked to the batteries and plugged in to the wall. I said “Cap'n, where are you getting the power to run that charger?” Because I already know that the generator isn't running, the engines won't start and unless hes got a mile and a half of extension cord run over to Staniel Cay there might be something supernatural going on here. He answered “ From the inverter”. Huh, the inverter.

I'm not the brightest bulb on the holiday tree but I can pretty much instantly envision this little amp circus. The inverter takes DC and turns it into AC which runs the battery charger which takes the AC and turns it into DC to charge the batteries and then the inverter takes DC and turns it into AC which runs the battery charger which takes the AC and turns it into DC to charge the batteries and then the inverter takes DC and turns it into AC which runs the battery charger which takes the AC and turns it into DC to charge the batteries as my friend Buzz Lightyear would say “to infinity and beyond!”.

This method of charging is called an “Energy Circle”, often referred to as a “black hole of energy” and sometimes shortened to “Amp Hole”. Not to be too technical but the mathematical formula is something like AC ÷ DC × DC ÷ AC × TIME × CHARGER INEFFICIENCY ± √ INVERTER INNEFICIENCY = dead batteries pretty f'ing quick. I eventually got the boat started but this lesson in alternative physics got me thinkin'.

When we get back to the states I'm gonna look into building a huge battery bank that I can combine with the largest inverter ever made all used in conjunction with a battery charger of immense proportions. By my yet unfinished calculations this set up will provide me with a power excess in the 70 million megawatt range. I can sell this power and within 3 weeks should have the necessary funds to build a second set up much like the first. From there its 4 and then 8 of these money makers. I'll be able to take existing amps and multiply them by themselves in this cutting edge equipment that I'll call "AMPlifiers". Its all so neat and clean, its amptastic!

Of course, with so much cheap electricity, fossil fuels will go unneeded. The middle east will revert to the stone age without our petrodollars and we'll all be driving Jetson like electric vehicles for practically nothing. Nuclear power will be a farce and investment in solar and wind power will come to a screeching halt. Why bother, they can't compete with an Energy Circle. I can't believe nobody has thought of this sooner.

Naturally actual construction won't begin until June of 2012 just in case the Mayans turned out to be correct about the world ending in May. This delayed start will give you the time to liquidate your holdings so you'll have plenty of cash when this obvious investment opportunity is ready. Who wants to be the first to pour some money into this cutting edge Energy Circle technology. I've already got the company logo.
In the meantime I'll be finishing up the planning as soon as I recharge my calculator.

8 comments:

TJ said...

That may be the funniest thing I have ever read! After you fix the energy crisis, how about taking a shot at world hunger...or maybe you better not.

S/V Veranda said...

I'm not sure what'll be on the menu but it'll definitely be microwavable....

Walter said...

My lawyers will be contacting you for damages to my lungs from laughing too hard. I want 100 shares.

S/V Veranda said...

Walter, you're a man of vision. My Nigerian banker will be contacting you for your bank info so we can arrange the transfer...

Anonymous said...

The classic powerboater.

S/V Veranda said...

You say classic powerboater....I say inspirational

Nanette said...

when you say Lincoln Log, you must not mean what first came to (my) mind. Prolly not, you would surely have added another paragraph of prose...

S/V Veranda said...

It was an actual (hygenically pure) cylindrical piece o' wood.