If you've been a long time reader then you know that on April Fools Day I always post something completely untrue. A couple of examples from the past (Manslaughter Mary) & (Lobster Whistle). Its becoming more daunting for me to fool anyone as the years go by so this year I'm going to try something novel. I've decided to post a very personal truth.
Depression. For somebody that deals with depression it can be really hard to explain it to someone who has never had to deal with it. Some days I wake up and am completely overwhelmed by feelings that are hard to explain. Sadness, sorrow and just a general gloominess seems to overshadow my every thought. I truly understand the word “melancholy”.
The more I think about it the more it bothers me. What could I possibly have to be depressed about. I live a charmed life with a woman I love. I have a summer job that I enjoy and spend my winters in paradise. It makes matters worse because I feel like I don't have the right to be sad about anything. Its like a college kid complaining that the Ferrari he got for his birthday was blue.
On days like this my confidence just seems to abandon me. Should we leave today or should we stay. Should we reef or should we let it all fly. Will this this anchorage be safe for us tonight?
I don't understand how things can be so different from one day to the next. I consider myself to be pretty cocksure. I know where I'm going. I know how to get us there safely and I'm not afraid to try some place new. I realize that I'm not a “planner”, I react. When things go to shit my first reaction is usually the right one. But on other days I second guess myself to no end. Not because things are changing but rather that I’m unsure which decision is the right one. Some days are just completely overwhelming for no good reason.
Its a condition that I find shameful, a weakness. I've never discussed it with anyone because I find the notion embarrassing. Its easier to type it here rather than to look someone in the eye and try to explain an irrational feeling of doom and gloom. I know what type of person I am but its just weird to have doubts about your self worth.
Another issue I have been dealing with is the need to lie my ass off on April First. I can't help it, I enjoy it. So yes, once again I've lied to you. Happy April. I realize that depression is a genuine condition for loads of people and I'm not making light of that. I'm just lying to my friends....
10 comments:
I have severe clinical depression. I take multiple drugs. Most days I can't get out of bed. I have no job. My life savings are slowly ebbing away. Really they are quickly ebbing away. You should be ashamed making light of people who suffer fro this horrible condition. Even more so because in my case it is 100 percent your. Diving for lobster, swimming naked, enjoying the sun. When I met you I was so excited. You gave me tons of useful advice And you predicted many things and we were so excited to see you on the water. But you did not predict that our 21 year old would crash and burn and return to MI broke and broken hearted and trap us in a no win deal. So now we have swallowed the hook and are dealing with that. And you force us to read your posts and this causes depression. And this leads to crazy meds
And crazy meds lead to totally irrational behavior. And you are to blame with all this posts of paradise. How can you sleep at night. Your nutty friends Eric and Gail on Blessings. We are delayed but not detroyed. Livin through you this year. Maybe see you next year.
LOL! You got me AGAIN!!
Take your 21 year old with you until they're strong enough to hop off on a dock somewhere. The boat will either kill you or cure all your problems. Until we see you on the water.....
Its because you're nice and want to believe.....lol. Thanks for admiting it Di
You are such a "turd", hoping to get some boo hoo's from the peanut gallery...you have the life everyone dreams of, I would have thought you would have come up with something better!!! Poor Christy..Time to jump on another track Bill,I knew it was a mud puddle when I first started reading your 4/1 comments but keep on writing cause it makes this "dirt life" bearable!
Oh, one more thing, QUIT PLAYING W/THE SHARKS, you make me crazy! Much love to you both! M. MARY
Miss you guys too MM....
You need more practice. I had you made 2 sentences in lol...
Deb
S/V Kintala
www.theretirementproject.blogspot.com
It gets tougher every year. Next year I think I'll just pick a random date to do my lying on....
I thought you had male menopause. We're in the Keys and I wasn't sure what the date was/is...
Terri s/v Vixen
terri, That gives me an idea for next year....Enjoy the Keys.
Nope - as soon as you mentioned "depression", it was over.
I don't know you well, but I know you well enough.
Nice try. :)
Post a Comment