Saturday, September 18, 2010

September 16, 2010.

Things here are in a state of flux, so to speak. My boss “Bob” has run away to Florida. This is the third extended trip that “Bob” has taken to Florida since we’ve been back this year. You see, he’s got a giiirrrllfriend there and as a result of his absence my paycheck has been suffering. So while he was gone I caught up on the backlog of work and then….nothing. Nobody here to beat the bushes = no work. Crap.

As a result I’ve had to scramble a bit to keep earning money to pay for extravagances like the dodger. There was the potential for depression but things just seem to have a way of working out. I was actually offered 3 jobs within a 30 hour period. So I took em’ all. It’ll mean some juggling but it could work out pretty well or I could die, we’ll see.

I spent some time this morning working on a boat that’s had some issues. The boat would run fine and then just die. One of my new bosses “Patrick” tried several things which included adding an electric fuel pump and eliminating the rest of the fuel system, but still the engine was starving for fuel. They finally realized that the owner had just commissioned a new fuel tank which was exactly when the problems started.

It seems that the fuel pickup tube doesn’t come close to reaching the bottom of the tank. So even though there are several gallons in the tank, it sucks air depending on where you’re standing. The boat heels one way or the other and the boat either runs fine or it dies. Sometimes it’s just enough to make you insane.

Now that the problem had been solved, I was charged with reinstalling the fuel system properly. The problem for me was the access. I’m not the biggest guy in the world but I can fill a jacket. I had to put one extended arm and shoulder into the cabinet door under the sink and then twist and wriggle the other arm and shoulder in. This left me with the sink drain pressed firmly against my face with an outstretched arm on either side. I had everything mounted and plumbed together with only the last and most distant connection left to go.

I had to press the fuel hose from the electric fuel pump onto the barb of the Algae-X fuel treatment system. Try as I might, I just could not get both hands involved. It was just barely within reach of one hand. So I got a good grip with one hand on the hose and wriggled and wormed the fuel line down onto the barb.

It was an extremely tight fit and it was very satisfying when the hose finally popped firmly into place. I was a sweaty mess but feeling elated until I realized that the hose clamp I should have placed on the hose was still clutched firmly in my left hand. I almost cried. F@#k me.

Try as I might I could not pull the damned hose back off the barb. Shit. I ended up having to open the clamp up and slip it over the hose. This left me with having to hold the clamp in the tips of my fingers while trying to tighten it with a foot long screw driver in my left hand. Of course, I couldn’t see the damn screw driver slot without my glasses so let’s just add another level of difficulty. The sink drain pressed against my face skewed my glasses off to the side so I was trying to see outta the right lens with my left eye, with the other eye closed while trying to apply a lot of left handed pressure with a foot long flathead screwdriver on a god damned hose clamp that I was barely able to hold with my right fingertips. But I got it done and went home a satisfied lad. I will NEVER forget the hose clamp again.

Once home, I received an interesting phone call. You see there was a 18 foot trimarran powerboat that “Bob” had rebuilt an engine for. We installed it in the boat and he left for Giiirrrllfriend Land while I did a bottom job on the boat. Once the boat was ready to go back in the water it was left to me to do the last minute finishing touches and to time the engine and get it running good.

That went pretty well for me and after I was done I took the boat out Back Creek and over to Spa Creek. The boat ran great and I left it tied to a dock where it was supposed to sit until it would be ferried down to Deale, Maryland.

Stupidly, I thought that the boat would sit there until a perfect day presented itself, since this piece of shit micro tiny powerboat was going to be asked to navigate the 22 miles from Annapolis down to Deale on the open bay. Ya know, the bay where the freighters roam, the tide flows and the wind blows. The Chesapeake can be scarier than the ocean at times and this boat is a half step below a pontoon boat. It would be a lot like skydiving with a bed sheet, you might survive but it would take a lot of luck.

When I awoke this morning I checked the weather as I always do and saw the forecast for a deteriorating day. 10 knots outta the south with 20 knots, gusting to 30 with rain coming this afternoon. I’m sure that Dullard also checked the weather before he decided it would be the perfect day to head south on the bay in this skateboard of a boat.

So when I received Dullards call it was with rapt fascination that I listened to his tale of delivering the boat south. I had no idea he was going and I couldn’t believe that he went. By his estimation they were taking random waves over the bow that were depositing 50 to 100 gallons of water into the cockpit at a time. In the infinite wisdom of micro tiny piece of shit powerboat architects it seems that all the cockpit scuppers drain directly into the bilge rather than overboard.

This left the miniscule bilge pump in the micro tiny powerboat fighting for its life to keep the boat afloat. Fortunately (bizarrely) so much water made its way below that the engine was semi-submerged to the point of stalling which left Dullard and the micro tiny piece of shit powerboat bobbing on the surface of the waves rather than plunging headlong into them. This gave the pitiful little bilge pump the chance to catch up so they could move along and repeat the process.

Bottom line- Dullard says that now the boat won’t idle at less than 2000 RPM’s. I’m thinking it doesn’t idle at all and all he can do to keep it running is to race the shit out of it. Wish I had a crystal ball to see how this shit is gonna play out…..


Deb said...

OMG you make me laugh so hard. I have so been there and your description (the tilted eyeglasses was the crowning glory)is so spot-on that my sides hurt. Keep it coming!

S/V Veranda said...

Yeah, I was laughing a type of swearing,sweating and swearing some more kinda

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